Waiting Restless Soul

Waiting
This morning I read an article regarding one mans treatment for restless leg syndrome.
A disease I do not have, yet there are many times I have felt a restlessness in my soul.

As I read the article I instantly realized that, for the past month, I have been restless of soul. Why?

Waiting.
Waiting for change?
Waiting for a passing of life.

Currently in the life of ministry, our church is in a season of change.
Good changes.
For the past year we have been renovating a building we purchased. A common phrase that my husband had been saying, "When we get the certificate of occupancy then we....." will do this or that."

Waiting is over. We hold the certificate. Praise God!

Yet, the restlessness still seems to be lingering. I find myself wondering what changes are coming.

In our small church family we have lost people to job change moves, a family left due to theological differences, and some  stopped coming due to the church changing locations. All listed are common in the life of a church.

Waiting, still, to see what God will do. Who He will bring.
Waiting to see God move in our church and in our community.
Excitement.
Waiting ....on God to move is good.
Waiting for spiritual and populous growth, at times, presents itself in restlessness.
Yet I put my trust in Him!
Jesus gives peace and quiets my restless soul.

Waiting .....so many times in the past.

Waiting for 12 days from the time my stepdad had a massive heart attack, to pass from this life to heaven.

Waiting for 21 days in ICU, as I stood by the bedside of an alone elderly woman who attended our church, to pass from this life to heaven.

Waiting and watching my beloved father-in-law suffer through his disease, for a month, before he passed from earth to heaven.

Waiting and watching my precious sweet 4 1/2 month old grandson thrive after life threatening birth defect, only to pass away from a complications from a common cold.

Waiting now...and watching my mom wait and watch her 80 year old husband , as he is soon passing on from this life to heaven.

Each one different.
Each one personal.
Each one.
Waiting for someone to pass from this life to the eternal, is never comfortable.

Restlessness of soul.
Yet, I put my trust in Him.
Jesus gives peace and quiets my restless soul.

"Peace I leave with you;
my peace I give you;
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Father's Day 2016

Yesterday, June 19, 2016 was Father's Day....yup. 
My natural dad passed away when I was 7 yrs old. I am thankful that God chose Eldon Irvin Poverud to bear me.

God then gave us a a step dad, Guido Schinigoi. 
I miss my step-dad the most. 
Most days I think of him. It seems like forever since he passed away. 

I also deeply miss my father-in-law,Jurjen(Jerry) Rypstra. He too has passed away. 
He was funny, loving, generous, and I loved him so.

I thank God for Jim Keller, my foster dad. Whom when I was a young, confused, and lost teenager, he and his wife brought me into their home and shared the love of Jesus with me.

I also have realized that as our kids have grown, married, and have families of their own,  Don and I seem to spend more holidays alone. Not that the families wouldn't or don't , (as schedules permit), but I am realizing that we are in a time of life when our kids have their own lives to live.

Oh, they love us and we do spend time together, happily. 

I am so glad that I (we) , Don and I, have taken these past 34 years to cultivate our marriage, because we knew that one day all the kids would be gone and raising their own families. 

Happy Father's Day to the father of my children and to my best friend and bantering buddy!
Don Rypstra

Watchmen in the Night

Watchmen in the Night

Below are my notes from the middle of the night. I had to write them down, so that I  would remember.



"At 11 pm my brother Irv went in hospital with chest pains and coughing. He is in er waiting for cardiologist. I prayed and started sleeping. Only after s few minutes of sleep, I hear a loud voice saying"Theresa", spoken firm and curtly. My eyes sprang open and I felt an urgency to pray for Irv.

I prayed for a few minutes more. I was awake! I then felt fear of my brothers death and that my sister might die. ( she too has heart problems. ) Oh how I hate those fears.?my mind started reeling. So, I put my mind at ease by listening to my audio Bible. I started listening to Ezra and Nehemiah.

I again dozed off. A few minutes into it, I again hear loudly, "Theresa". I again prayed.

I am almost afraid to fall asleep again!

As I was praying, the second time, I placed my hand on Don's shoulder. I did not feel his body moving up and down as eh breathed. He had briefly stopped breathing. He has issues with sleep apnea. He also has a bulging disc in his back and is being treated with nerve blockers and physical therapy. The nerve blockers are making him act weird.

Oh , more fears that have crept up.
I recognized the call to prayer. Some may say it was spiritual warfare, but for me, the urgency to pray overtook the rationality. I just gave all my loved ones to the Lord. Oh, it took hours , but I surrendered to Him all my fears and worries."

I am studying the Book of Nehemiah. I was reading in Nehemiah 4 , as the workers were to stand watch over the walls, gates, and towers that were being rebuilt and repaired. They were to watch for the enemy's attacks and to sound the alarms.  Nehemiah 4:9 says, "But we prayed to our God, and because of them we set up a guard against them day and night."

I am not sure why I heard a clear voice call my name, so that I would wake and pray. But I felt the urgency to be alert.  

My brother survived the night and I woke without the fears and pending death. Don statred breathing right away. My sister is fine today.

 I have not had this happen to me before. In the night hours.  I was not sure what to think of things. Praise God that we can turn to His word for comfort and that the Holy Spirit is promised to be our comforter! 

The ONE Who Sees.

Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, “Have I also here seen Him who sees me?” (Genesis 16:13 NKJV)
I received this devotional in my email. 
It completely spoke to my heart. 
Over the past year or so I have had several very difficult trials. 
Sometimes I sit in wonder of the ability to persevere. 
Then I remember: 
          God is the ONE who sees!
          El Roi is His name!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013The first person to call God by the name El Roi was Hagar. A woman used. Abused. Tossed away. Driven away. Running away. She was all that and more… Hagar was a slave who had been sexually used and verbally abused. Hagar was a woman amazed that God heard her cries and saw her misery, that He took note of her condition and actually spoke to her. Falling on her face, Hager gave God the name El Roi, the God Who Sees. “I have now seen the One who sees me,” she cried (verse 13). She had heard God. She had seen God. More important, God had seen Hagar. God had heard Hagar… Today, remember. Remember who God is and that He will do what He said He will do. He is El Roi, the God who sees me. He is the God who sees you. Excerpted from Knowing God by Name by Sharon Jaynes, Gwen Smith, and Mary Southerland (coming Aug. 6th)

Accceptance always longed for.

"And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may be with you for ever." John 14:16

 

 

The Holy Spirit, my Comforter so sweetly spoke to my heart today.

 

Because of my upbringing, spending years in foster homes or with extended family members, losing my father when I was 7 years old, being physically and sexually abused, and experiencing neglect : "I always felt the deep sense of lack of acceptance."

 

When I would go to live with a family, I had always hoped to be accepted "as part of the family". But that never happened. When I would do something to upset the family, I was quickly asked to leave. Mind you, none that I did was outrageous-just crying out for attention. But instead of helping , I was discarded. Each time it hurt, as if it was the first time.

 

What is "acceptance" mean to me?

Acceptance is : an abiding love

                         a sense of belonging

                         an identification

                        not forsaken

                        value placed

                        a welcoming heart

                        a forever kind of love

Acceptance, most definitely is an action that is engulfed with true love.

The Holy Spirit sweetly reminded me this morning that He, the Comforter....MY Comforter has engulfed me with His Acceptance the very day I gave my heart to Him on March 5, 1977. His love is abiding and forever!

 

What was so transforming for me this morning was this realization of His engulfing love toward me. I lave always longed for a love from my earthly parents that only could come from an eternal God.

I am now 50 years old with the deepness in my heart for that family love.

I saw today that that love and acceptance has been given to me 10 times over.

They are in the form of my most precious grandchildren.

James 1:17 says, "Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow."

These beautiful grandchildren love their "Oma".

they identify with me as I am their "Oma".

They open their hearts to me.

They want to be around me

This kind of love can only be from my Comforter!

I am eternally grateful and full of His love!

Josiah, Jaelle, Enoch, and Elias(dob-12/29/2011- passed on 5/18/2012) Ivy

                                     Elle and Nora Rypstra with Catharina and Thor Rypstra

                                                         Aurora-Jane and Lucy Rypstra

   



Regarding my mom.

An update regarding my mom.
Praise God that she DOES NOT have breast cancer!
She was diagnoised with "Fibrocystic changes." Her tissue has changed enough to cause cancer-like symptoms.
We all feared that she had cancer, and are all grateful that she does not.
Cancer runs strong on my mom's side of the family , so the doctors will be watching her closely.

My hope and prayer, from a daughter's perspective, is that she will choose to live her life "as unto the Lord." Life is too short to live for ourselves.
I too am daily learning that lesson!
I don't want to live for my own pleasures, but I desire to live each day as a reflection of God living in me and flowing out of me!

My mom on the day of her biopsy. She is 72 years old.

Today is Sept. 6,2012
I am sitting at Brighton beach on the shore of Lake Superior, in Duluth.
This beach is one of my favorite spots to come and hang out.
I am here in Duluth because my mom is having a breast biopsy tomorrow.

As I sit at the beach, longing for peace and quite...time to mourn Elias, and time to pray for my mom. Well, this older gentleman comes along, lays on a rock at the water's edge(the rock in the picture above.) to cool his face off with the cold lake water. I found myself irritated at his presence. Then the Lord reminded me of a time when I was a child, that I washed my face off at that very same spot while laying across that very same rock!

I looked at the man, greeted him, then  and told him my rememberance.. He proceeded to share his memories of playing here as a child as well. Then he told me his mom passed away a month ago. He read her journals she left for him. In those journals she shared on how lonely she was iin her grieving after her husband died. How she had allot of friends, but at night and alone the grief overwhelmed her.

The gentelman then asked why I was here. I told him of my mom. I was not able to mention my anguished heart over the loss of Elias and the fear that the end may be near for my mom. I was afraid that the tears would be as deep as the Lake was.

Thank you for using that man to know that our grieving is universal and that You Lord, know my thoughts. I was surprised that the gentleman shared his heart so openly and in just a moments time, he was remembering his dear mom. I know I was there for that moment for that man, and that he was there for me. God knew we both needed to share our grief. I didn't even ask his name, nor did he ask me mine. I pray for this man...Lord make yourself know to him and please comfort him in his grief.

I am reminded of the scripture that says, "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.